the Dalaverse

I am in need of some help from y'all (looking in particular at gryphons_lair and linaelyn because I've seen or seen pictures). We're going to the Pirate Invasion weekend of the Renaissance Fair this year, and I want to whip up a costume. It needs to be three things that pretty much mean the same thing if you were to use them as an insult: cheap, easy, and fast.

So, I am looking for online catalogues -- that would be the cheap part -- or sewing patterns -- that would be the fast and easy part. When I say 'easy,' I mean 'a trained monkey with needle and thread could make it.' Don't let my ability to knit fool you. I can do exactly two stitches and one hat pattern. That's it. I haven't sewn since I was a little girl and my grandma taught me how. I believe the weekend in question is September 24th, so I don't have a lot of free time in which to make stuff.

Costume element ideas would be muchly appreciated as well. What I've got and am not willing to give up is a pair of green suede slippers that lace up the calves; they were the Christmas gift of which Dad was most proud. So boots are out. I have a very simple, very loose eggshell cotton long-sleeved blouse. I also have a green skirt that has to be rolled over till it looks like I have another stomach in order to be worn with flat shoes -- it doesn't seem particularly piratey to me, but I suppose it can be worked with. The bodice was too big last fall and I've lost twenty pounds this summer, so that's pretty much a bust. Hee. No pun intended.

Wait a minute, didn't I post pictures? Calender break -- remember how shiny? Anyway, that's what I've got as a starting point.

Help?

*fwump* That was the slashiest "Daily Show" EVER. First Jon was squeeing over Viggo Mortensen, then Steve Carrell embraced him from behind, and then there was nipple rubbing. I don't mean mutual nipple rubbing -- each man rubbed his own nipples -- but still. It was glorious.