the Dalaverse

Haven't had a chance to peruse anybody else's reviews yet, and probably won't for awhile, so

OMG OMG OMG OMG. Not OMG SO GOOD, necessarily, just...OMFG. That's...that's it. That's all he wrote.

First, let me say that I really, really enjoyed the flick. However, I think I must have seen it in a particularly irritable mood, because all the little things that irritate me -- the flaunting of CGI, the speeded-up lightsaber action, Natalie Portman, the truly awful, embarrassing, execrable dialogue -- bugged me more than they should have. I mean, I was expecting ALL of that and I should have been able to let it go, but I just couldn't. I had a long day at work. So let's get the gripes over with. That way I can get them out of my system before the next time I see it.

The dialogue. Oh, god. The quips are merely forgettable; the crap in the romantic scenes between Anakin and Padme is just as horrendous as the sand-skin stuff in the last one. It doesn't help that the actors have all the chemistry of a couple of footstools, but I don't know how anybody could make some of these lines work. Ewan McGregor gives it the best shot, with Hayden Christensen lagging somewhere behind and Natalie Portman suffering the worst mostly because of how horribly she's written.

That was really my least favorite thing: Padme Amidala Skywalker. What a fucking waste of an opportunity. I can't blame this on Portman anymore, because it's a fundamental flaw in concept, not acting. Padme isn't even the same character from one film to the next. We're supposed to believe that a girl who was elected queen of her planet at age fourteen (and we were expected to believe that that was a valid system of government to begin with, but whatever, I'm trying to work with you here, Lucas) is just going to hang around barefoot and pregnant, waiting for her secret husband to come home after killing children younglings? That's crap. That's complete and utter crap. We get thrown this ONE scene of her in the Senate, but she doesn't actually DO anything! Most importantly:

I refuse to believe that the mother of Luke and Leia Skywalker dies because she LOSES THE WILL TO LIVE.

I mean...CHRIST. We've waited all these years to find out what happened to the woman Darth Vader knocked up, and THAT stupid fucking cliché is the best Lucas can come up with? Palpatine couldn't have gone after her? To kill Padme himself and then tell Anakin that Anakin had done it -- it's so fucked up and perfect. She couldn't perhaps have spoken up against the regime change, DESPITE her fear for her child, and drawn his ire that way? Then at least I would have a little respect for her. IT'S SO DAMN STUPID!

This would not rankle me so deeply if Lucas had not first given us Leia, one of the greatest heroines in modern film. To follow up a character like that with a character like this one...BLEAAAAHHHHH.

I'll stop bitching now. It was just a really strong reaction. As strong as my reaction to other, better things. Kashykk (I used to be able to know how to spell that). Alderaan. Jimmy Smits' Bail Organa. Ewan McGregor's mannerisms and speech patterns, so closely modeled after the original Obi-wan. R2-D2. The way the Jedi assasinations were carried out. Anakin's evil!face. The Senate ship. Yoda saying goodbye to Chewie (I cried a little). The over-the-top brilliance of Ian McDiarmid. The realism of General Grievous. That fabulous lizard creature of Obi-wan's -- I called it the Thingy, as in, "Yay, the Thingy saves the day!" and "Oh no, poor Thingy falls to its death!" It might be enough to make up for the Gungans and the Ewoks put together.

And the end. Oh my, the end. Last...twenty, thirty minutes? I'm not sure. From the Anakin/Obi-wan battle onwards (minus the stupid, STUPID way Padme dies).

Anakin/Vader burned and mutilated, crawling in the ash, screaming "I hate you!" at Obi-wan.

Obi-wan leaving him there.

Palpatine rescuing Vader, the way he touches his head.

The babies -- THE BABIES!

Obi-wan planning to commune with Qui-gon -- not just enough to make a slash fan faint, but relevant backstory to his later spectral relationship with Luke.

Seeing the helmet from THE INSIDE, looking THROUGH THE EYES OF THE MASK.

The BREATHING and the VOICE.

The beginning of the DEATH STAR.

The very last scene -- Obi-wan handing Luke to Beru, Owen looking out over Tatooine, watching the twin suns set...

I was a wibbling mess of a fangirl. I lost it completely. In that moment, I loved George Lucas and all his cohorts for what they've given us, despite every complaint I've ever made. That was enough for me, that ending.

Conclusion...um...well. It's not a great movie, I don't think. It's better than the last two and not nearly up to the standards of the original. But I completely understand all the positive reactions, coming off that last scene.