the Dalaverse

Well, that was a marvelous start to the day.

I took the dog for a walk and locked myself out of the house. It was one of those instances where you realize what you've done immediately rather than ten, fifteen minutes, an hour later, which is so frustrating because half a second's difference would've prevented it if only your brain had been more awake. Anyway, none of our neighbors have a key; the H.s do, but I wasn't prepared to walk down to Jessie's house in the heat without knowing whether or not anybody would even be home. All I had on me was Grace O'Malley, Ralphie, and a bag full of treats because I was trying to teach him to sit even while distracted by the outdoors.

So I remembered what my dad said the last time I locked myself out -- there's a key in the shed in the backyard. Getting to it of course necessitates getting the back gate open. Which, although I tried for ten minutes with every stick I could find, proved impossible because you have to turn the bolt, not just lift it. After that, there was nothing for it but to climb the fence, which I haven't done since I was six and got my foot caught between the boards and my neighbor Bob had to come rescue me wearing a Speedo because he was sunbathing in his backyard. Our fence is five feet high and constructed of vertical boards. That section was replaced a couple of years ago so it has no weak spots. I had to take my shoes off to be able to fit my toes onto the crossboards in the narrow spaces between the vertical boards, and even then it was mostly a mighty upper-body heave that got me to the top (Ralphie watched all this in alarm from where I'd tied his lease to the gate handle. I hopped down off the fence, let the dog in, and seached the entire dusty, hot, cobwebbed shed before I finally found the key.

What truly pains me about this incident is not how it all went down, but the twenty fresh mosquito bites I am sporting because I was dumb enough to wear shorts. And that's not an exaggeration for comedic effect. I counted. Twelve on my left leg, eight on my right. My blood must be a special vintage or something.

I am so going back to bed.