the Dalaverse

hannahrorlove (4:19:37 PM): Hi.
the_dala (4:20:40 PM): hello
A rather long conversation I had with hannahrorlove during my forced viewing of "Cutthroat Island." About the crappy movie, pirate movies, long hair, and Errol Flynn



hannahrorlove (4:20:54 PM): So much badness in Cutthroat Island.
the_dala (4:20:52 PM): i'm watching the worst movie ever made
hannahrorlove (4:21:08 PM): I don't think it's as bad as "Manos: The Hands Of Fate."
the_dala (4:22:20 PM): that does sound awful. but i cannot convey in words how wretched this movie is, especialyl considering hollywood produced potc only eight years later
hannahrorlove (4:22:39 PM): They didn't know what they were doing.
the_dala (4:24:01 PM): seriously, my thesis is going to have to be altered to "pirates of the caribbean was successful because it didn't TOTALLY BLOW'
hannahrorlove (4:24:18 PM): What's your current thesis?
the_dala (4:25:56 PM): it's kind of half a thesis. pirate movies were successful in the thirties because the romantic outlaw was utilized in plots relevant to current affairs, and also they made "real" movies, as opposed to later decades when the pirate was relegated to comedy and/or children's films
the_dala (4:26:09 PM): or complete box office poison like this one
the_dala (4:26:43 PM): and potc somehow managed to recapture the magic of the original movies, update it to modern sensibilities without sacrfificing the pirate's heart
the_dala (4:27:13 PM): for that, i'm going to talk about anamaria and elizabeth (geena davis is like that concept taken to the nth degree, and thus unbelievable)
the_dala (4:27:25 PM): as well as something about the splitting of the hero into jack sparrow and will turner
the_dala (4:27:54 PM): will's the more classic swashbuckler, and jack has degrees of ambiguity which appeal to a modern audience
hannahrorlove (4:28:07 PM): Cutthroat Island is like it was written for eight-year-old girls.
the_dala (4:28:05 PM): the film wouldn't work without both
hannahrorlove (4:28:14 PM): That's very true.
the_dala (4:28:18 PM): with serious mental problems...
the_dala (4:29:12 PM): potc also balanced classic stunts with modern special effects, attracting geeks and casual fans of both nature
the_dala (4:29:14 PM): *natures
hannahrorlove (4:29:26 PM): Yes.
hannahrorlove (4:29:35 PM): CT was a pulp.
hannahrorlove (4:29:38 PM): *CI
the_dala (4:30:03 PM): a complete ego piece, considering the guy responsible was either married to or dating geena davis at the time
hannahrorlove (4:30:12 PM): Yes.
the_dala (4:30:33 PM): i'm considering scrapping the rest of it to watch "the crimson pirate" instead; i've got a pretty good idea of it already
the_dala (4:30:45 PM): or maybe just fastfoward through the endless action scenes
the_dala (4:30:57 PM): and WHAT! they were moving in slow motion but talking at regular speed!
the_dala (4:31:00 PM): that's just sloppy
hannahrorlove (4:31:31 PM): It's that the people who made Pirates understood the tropes of the genre, and were able to work with them to make something good. Like how U2 understands the rules of pop music and can make great work with them.
the_dala (4:31:43 PM): yes
hannahrorlove (4:32:05 PM): But the people who made CI didn't.
the_dala (4:32:46 PM): the longer i watch this, the more potc seems liek a miracle. how in hell did jb and gore get it made?
hannahrorlove (4:32:53 PM): And the people who were making the early movies were making the rules.
the_dala (4:32:57 PM): i might delve into the cobp extras for this
hannahrorlove (4:33:27 PM): You should.
hannahrorlove (4:33:51 PM): I remember a little article on summer movies the year POTC came out, and it was only predicted to do reasonably well.
the_dala (4:34:15 PM): yeah, i was amazed to hear such good things about it, and didn't go to see it until about a month after it came out
hannahrorlove (4:34:28 PM): And the rest is history.
hannahrorlove (4:34:54 PM): It's probable it got made because of the previous successes of the writers, and because it's a Jerry Bruckheimer movie.
the_dala (4:34:59 PM): this is true
the_dala (4:35:14 PM): for all we mock jb, he's got the greatest clout
hannahrorlove (4:36:13 PM): I know.
hannahrorlove (4:36:18 PM): It's kind of amazing.
hannahrorlove (4:36:29 PM): I still don't really understand what producers do except pay for stuff.
the_dala (4:36:56 PM): yeah me neither
the_dala (4:38:44 PM): oh my god. "give me the map." "give me a kiss first." did ten-year-olds write this script?
hannahrorlove (4:38:52 PM): Yes.
hannahrorlove (4:39:11 PM): Or, it was written for ten-year-olds.
hannahrorlove (4:39:32 PM): The intent of the movies in question might be part of their respective successes.
the_dala (4:39:34 PM): there are certainly ten-year-olds involved somewhere in the creative process
the_dala (4:39:54 PM): yes! see, "captain blood" and "the sea hawk" are for EVERYONE. so's potc
hannahrorlove (4:40:08 PM): This one wasn't made with that idea in mind.
the_dala (4:40:21 PM): it's amazing how much money they spent making it
the_dala (4:40:33 PM): of course, this WAS the same year as "waterworld"...
the_dala (4:41:12 PM): also, i would like someone to explain to me why matthew modine stole iolus's leather vest
hannahrorlove (4:41:25 PM): The prop room was left unlocked.
the_dala (4:41:35 PM): bwaha
the_dala (4:42:04 PM): okay, that's it, i have to watch it on fast forward. i don't have time for this
hannahrorlove (4:42:38 PM): It's not a movie that should be watched sober or alone.
the_dala (4:43:01 PM): hence me running screaming onto aim, and pouring bailey's into my hot chocolate i might save it for holiday viewing
hannahrorlove (4:43:46 PM): Good plan.
hannahrorlove (4:43:58 PM): Or we could watch it at SITS next year, and laugh at it.
hannahrorlove (4:44:00 PM): Pirate marathon.
the_dala (4:44:43 PM): i won't be there, but it has my full approval
the_dala (4:45:07 PM): heh, sea turtles. oh gibbs, come back to me!
hannahrorlove (4:45:41 PM): I think this movie could almost be a book Elizabeth read at an impressionable age.
hannahrorlove (4:45:49 PM): Or wrote, even.
the_dala (4:45:49 PM): ha! i love itCaisha0319 (4:45:58 PM): oh, i MUST fic that. or you must. somebody must.
hannahrorlove (4:46:07 PM): I nominate you.
hannahrorlove (4:46:18 PM): After all, you have the most need to exorcise the pain.
the_dala (4:46:21 PM): this is true
the_dala (4:48:48 PM): oh my god, there's quicksand. i guess we hadn't stolen enough from "the princess bride"
hannahrorlove (4:49:41 PM): Nope!
the_dala (4:50:33 PM): this is some very dramatic pace-counting
hannahrorlove (4:51:10 PM): But it's not as dramatic as Jack on the little atol.
the_dala (4:51:41 PM): no, 'cause he doesn't bother to count, just takes HUGE steps while continuing ordinary dialogue
hannahrorlove (4:52:19 PM): Yep.
the_dala (4:55:16 PM): oh geena davis. for shame.
hannahrorlove (4:55:29 PM): Shame, shame.
the_dala (4:55:30 PM): and "dawg." HONESTLY.
hannahrorlove (4:55:41 PM): "Bad dawg."
the_dala (4:55:56 PM): omg, is that an actual line? i must've fastforwarded through that
hannahrorlove (4:56:13 PM): It's right before she shoots him with a cannonball, near the end.
hannahrorlove (4:56:18 PM): The best two seconds of the movie.
the_dala (4:56:32 PM): aha, i've still got...forty minutes to go. sweet jesus.
the_dala (4:56:42 PM): and i've watched most of it in x2
the_dala (4:58:12 PM): so that messenger pigeon was real? i wasn't just imagining a bird committing suicide into the camera lens?
the_dala (4:58:22 PM): this is a beautiful beach, though
hannahrorlove (4:58:47 PM): Yes, it is.
the_dala (4:59:15 PM): i'd really like to know why the british officer looks like he stepped out of a french revolutionary epic
hannahrorlove (4:59:25 PM): He did.
hannahrorlove (4:59:35 PM): The actor was shuffled off from one studio to another.
the_dala (5:00:09 PM): ::giggles:: i'm suddenly reminded of "blazing saddles"
hannahrorlove (5:00:32 PM): I'm glad to help you get through this.
hannahrorlove (5:01:26 PM): You know what the world needs? The world needs a fic where Jack flails about, yelling, "I'm covered in bees!" Just like Eddie Izzard.
hannahrorlove (5:01:28 PM): Yes.
the_dala (5:01:59 PM): go for it
the_dala (5:05:34 PM): see, this is one small thing that bothers me about elizabeth: if i'm in battle at sea, i'm gonna have to tie my long damn hair back.
the_dala (5:05:47 PM): yeah, sometimes you don't have time for it, but sitll
hannahrorlove (5:05:58 PM): That bothers me about EVERY person EVERYWHERE with long hair.
the_dala (5:05:59 PM): *still. at least elizabeth has a hat, that's more realistic
the_dala (5:06:08 PM): heeeee. i'm glad it's not just me
the_dala (5:06:23 PM): i would, like, refuse to practice in field hockey if i forgot my hair ties
the_dala (5:06:30 PM): it's SO annoying
hannahrorlove (5:06:41 PM): It gets in your face! Your eyes!
hannahrorlove (5:06:48 PM): It gets tangled.
hannahrorlove (5:06:54 PM): It gets in your way.
the_dala (5:07:04 PM): it does. if you have some kind of headgear it keeps it out of your eyes, but it's still gross
hannahrorlove (5:07:07 PM): I hate how people don't even push it back over their shoulders.
hannahrorlove (5:07:09 PM): HATE.
the_dala (5:07:45 PM): i swear, i want to make action movies just so i can go, "okay, this scene here -- the female character MUST do something about her hair"
hannahrorlove (5:08:21 PM): Or have a female character whose hair is in a braid or bun.
the_dala (5:08:28 PM): yeah
hannahrorlove (5:08:35 PM): And she's seen as a dweeb at the beginning for having a bun.
hannahrorlove (5:08:48 PM): But then it's shown to be an effective hairstyle for ass-kicking.
the_dala (5:09:53 PM): sigh. well, at least no one's slashed their way down a sail yet. i don't think. i don't want that move spoiled for me
hannahrorlove (5:10:16 PM): Nobody will do it with as much flair as Orlando.
the_dala (5:10:56 PM): nobody short of errol flynn himself
hannahrorlove (5:11:15 PM): And Orlando looks a bit like Flynn, too - lucky boy.
the_dala (5:11:22 PM): i didn't much like fairbanks; he reminded me of burt reynolds
hannahrorlove (5:12:26 PM): Yeah.
the_dala (5:13:35 PM): have you see flynn's grandson?
hannahrorlove (5:13:45 PM): No.
the_dala (5:13:51 PM): he is beautiful. witness: http://www.moviejuice.com/2005/images/lukeflynn.jpg
hannahrorlove (5:14:07 PM): Wow.
hannahrorlove (5:14:11 PM): Those are some good genes.
the_dala (5:14:11 PM): amen
the_dala (5:16:40 PM): this is one of my favorite photographs: http://www.warriorfilmmakers.com/errolflynn/flynn/Frame34882B.html
hannahrorlove (5:17:16 PM): Rigging porn.
the_dala (5:17:46 PM): undeed
the_dala (5:17:48 PM): *indeed
the_dala (5:17:56 PM): oh, there it is -- there's "bad dawg"
hannahrorlove (5:18:06 PM): Told you.
the_dala (5:18:13 PM): if somebody would just act properly ashamed at all this, i would be okay
the_dala (5:18:15 PM): or better, at least
hannahrorlove (5:18:31 PM): Well, Geena Davis never mentions its existance.
the_dala (5:18:34 PM): heh
the_dala (5:19:34 PM): i feel bad for once naming a turner child morgan. because of this movie
hannahrorlove (5:19:50 PM): You were young and ignorant.
the_dala (5:20:43 PM): and then they're both killed by flying shards of wood
the_dala (5:20:56 PM): oh. guess not.
the_dala (5:21:04 PM): damn
hannahrorlove (5:22:08 PM): Alas.
hannahrorlove (5:22:13 PM): At least the movie's almost over.
the_dala (5:23:33 PM): not a moment too soon
the_dala (5:24:43 PM): wow. that was impressively bad.
the_dala (5:24:53 PM): i like the old-school credits. but too little too late, dudes.
hannahrorlove (5:26:01 PM): Unfortunately so.