the Dalaverse

So I went to see "Twilight" with Vanessa tonight, and it was a pretty good time. This is probably due to the fact that the whole thing wasn't narrated by Bella motherfucking Swan. Therefore we're left without the endless descriptions of Edward's perfect cold marble beauty, as well as book!Bella's faint tone of condescension toward her parents and her blatant contempt for her school friends. That's a big damn weight off the movie's shoulders. It also helps that it was a lot funnier than the book. To my complete surprise, much of the hilarity was actually intentional - including the damned baseball game. The whole thing was shot so tongue-in-cheek that I could've watched it go on for a lot longer.

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson were both pretty good. There's an edge to her that I've always liked, and which looks very good on Bella. And Pattinson saying that he played Edward as if he hated himself all the time - that came through onscreen. I'm not sure if I want to call it a good performance, but it was certainly entertaining. Single most lolworthy moment, imo, was the first biology class with Edward trying valiantly not to heave while glowering at Bella. The whole section of theater around us was cracking up. But there was a certain amount of charm to him as well, and some sweet vulnerability - the scene in her bed where he's holding her while she sleeps was actually nice (although I also giggled madly at "Do you do this often?" and he's like "Uh, just for the last couple months?") They do have good chemistry. It pains me to say this (and the following violent reaction to female desire was off-putting), but the kiss in Bella's room was super hot.

Overall the casting was pretty good - Hardwicke paid more attention to Bella's schoolmates than Meyer did, and she made more of the relationship with Charlie. I really liked the change from the book in which Bella expresses her hesitance to hurt Charlie when she runs away, rather than coming up with that plan before she even barges in. It made her seem like much less of a cold-hearted bitch. Taylor Lautner is adorable and performed capably in his brief scenes - I'm kind of excited to see him in "Full Moon" if I forget how much I'll hate Jacob in "Eclipse." As for the Cullens, Nikki Reed may be physically miscast like I've never seen before, but she pulled off a decent Rosalie. I realized tonight that I have absolutely no concept of Emmett in my head anymore - like, I have no memory of anything he actually says or does in the books, my entire perception of him is based upon "Growing Up Cullen." And he was sufficiently GUC for me. However, I actually found myself wishing for less Alice (I know! She's like the only awesome one!) because Ashley Greene was terrible. She was just reading lines, not acting, and it was totally distracting. I wish they could recast for the next movies, because Alice is not supposed to be the weak link, dammit!

What else? Oh, I liked the brief glimpses of James/Victoria/Laurent. It helped move the plot forward, and the first bit was even ambiguous as to whether it might be Edward who'd done the killing. Obviously no one was falling for it (::ducks irate shrieking fangirls::), but I give the filmmakers credit for it anyway.

Oh! I almost forgot the sparkling. Let me tell you, that was a major letdown. He was more blurry than sparkly, really. And it's weird because the effect was much better in the second sparkle moment, when Edward and Bella are lying in the grass thinking endless rounds of "You're so pretty!" "No, you're so pretty!" and it's just his face. So they should've been able to handle the big sparkling reveal better. I was so looking forward to it, too.

To sum up: not nearly as terrible as it could have been. Enjoyed my lols. Liked the soundtrack. On the other hand, the first book's not got all the really objectionable material in it anyway, IMO. I've no doubt that it's gonna make a shit ton of money this weekend, getting the sequels bankrolled; it'll be interesting to see what the hell they make of the other three two (I swear I keep hearing it referred it as two sequels specifically; I will laugh FOREVER if it's because KStew and RPattz refuse to submit themselves to Placenta Nomfest: The Movie).