the Dalaverse

Okay, so this is not a fic (NOT A FIC), it is just a scene that keeps on happening over and over in my head. And that's what you guys are here for, right? So I can exorcise shit like this before it does damage to actual writing?

In my head it's some time after the Kirk/McCoy fic I'm working on which has a total sappy plot and Paula Deen as Mrs. McCoy, as previously addressed. It's the Enterprise's first trip back to Earth after months of missions, and there's shore leave in summer, and PaulaDeenMcCoy is having a BBQ so she tells Bones to invite his friends i.e. the crew, which no way in hell he'd ever do BECAUSE HE'S NOT TWELVE AND STARFLEET IS NOT SLEEPAWAY CAMP, but Kirk knows about it because of course HE'S going because "I can't help it if your mom loves me best, Bones." So of course he goes behind McCoy's back and asks everybody, ignoring McCoy's WTF WE REALLY ARE NOT TWELVE ANYMORE MA.

And Spock declined because he was going to New Vulcan, but then Uhura talks him into going and they show up a little late and of course Mama McCoy loves his little repressed butt too (and Chekov, lord does she go nuts over baby Chekov). So then everybody's eating (Scotty is REALLY happy about the pulled pork sandwiches, and it's good Carolina barbeque because that's where Papa McCoy is from, and did I mention that Papa McCoy is James Garner? Because he is), and Spock likes the greens okay, and Mama McCoy fawns over everybody because they are awesome and she is awesome. You can rest assured that there is pie.

After dinner it's getting on toward dusk and everybody's hanging out. Sulu is teaching McCoy's nephew fencing with sticks. Chekov is swaying in the hammock, singing quietly to himself in Russian until Sulu sneaks up and dumps him on the ground and then they run around chasing each other. Scotty is sitting at the table with Papa McCoy talking about physics and drinking, and their accents get so thick that no one else can understand them and it's a damned miracle they manage to understand each other. Uhura is sitting under a tree reading old French novels to Spock (they're from Bones' sister's college days, I'm thinking), until Joanna comes up and asks for a story. So she tells her some folk tales and Spock sits there watching with a little bit warmth and a little bit blind panic behind the eyes (which Uhura doesn't notice but Kirk can see it from all the way across the yard).

Kirk and McCoy are sitting on the porch swing, drinking beer and snarking on everybody ("I DO NOT NEED TO SEE CHEKOV AND SULU ROMPING WITH FIREFLIES." "Chill, he's 18 now, it's totally legal.") They're not snuggling or anything like that, but every now and then Bones will touch Kirk's knee or Kirk will give him a Look, and it's enough for Mama McCoy to get An Idea. So McCoy goes off to put Joanna to bed and she takes his place, and asks quite seriously if her boy's doing okay up there. And Kirk says he is, even though the rest of them don't exactly make it easy for him; and she nods and pats his cheek and says kindly, "If you break his heart, Jimmy, I'll put you in the meat grinder and make sausages out of you." And Kirk is like "...Okay?"

Uhura and Spock politely decline the invitation to crash there for the night but Scotty is happy with the couch, and Sulu and Chekov say they could sleep out under the stars if it's not too much trouble, and IN PERFECT UNISON Bones and Mama McCoy go, "You'll catch your death!" So she gets sleeping bags and the rest of them go inside, and just to bug McCoy, Kirk bats his eyes and goes, "Coming to bed, sweetheart?" And McCoy goes BEET RED and stammers in front of Mama McCoy, and Jim is like, "Yeah, she totally figured it out, dumbass." And McCoy is like "SHUT YOUR FACE" and Kirk is like "MAKE ME" and then he does (they are not in the kitchen anymore, obvs).

And that's...that's pretty much it.

WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO DOMESTICATE THE SHIT OUT OF PERFECTLY GOOD SPACE DRAMEDY? I AM ASHAMED.

But seriously, if there aren't cookouts in the future, I don't wanna hang around.


ETA: Okay, seriously, y'all have got to read this. Kirk/McCoy. Reading glasses. Porn. GO NOW.

ETA2: Apparently it IS a fic. GODDAMMIT YOU GUYS!