the Dalaverse

You know what would be a fairly simple, cheap, and fucking amazing costume?

A Wheeler from "Return to Oz."

For those of you who somehow missed out on this cracked-out '80s gem, first of all I weep for you; second of all educate yourself:



Would you not pee yourself if you saw that bastard over by the chips at your Halloween party of choice?

Makeup and fright wig, easy. Mask to go on your head. Colorful and/or spraypainted jacket, preferably with tails. Then you could go for accuracy and functionality with actual roller skates (JFC do they even make those anymore) and make some kind of wheel-on-a-pole to hold inside the jacket arms, taking apart a pair of thrift store pants and attaching the legs to get the extension. Or for an easier version, affix wheels to your shoes and sleeve cuffs and have to hunch over from time to time so people have the slightest inkling why you have wheels for hands and feet. Hmmm, the wheels...toy store, hobby shop or hardware store ought to have spare wheels like that, don't you think?

And you have to do the creepy-ass cackle, of course.

This would be one of those costumes where like five people would get it, but those five people would then worship you.

I don't have the energy for it this year, but it is for sure going on the list. If I could find a Tik Tok, Jack Pumpkinhead, and Dorothy to come along, all the better. Ooooh and someone could be the Gump! [Insert oft-repeated story where I thought the Gump was a real animal when I was five (not the couch part, just the head, I wasn't a total moron) and my aunt took me to the zoo and got so confused when I kept asking to see the Gump]. Also Princess Mombi would be super easy, just carry around one of those creepy salon heads all night and shout "DOOOOROTHY GAAAALLLLLE!" at random.

Obviously this is the greatest ensemble costume idea ever. If I have to wait until I have a spouse and children to dress up at my whim, thereby ensuring even FEWER people will have any idea what the hell we are due to the further passage of time, SO BE IT.