the Dalaverse

Set Fire to the Sky (Directors Commentary Editon, continued)



Blinking at the suddenness of the question, James said thickly, “Of course I am.”

“Good,” Will gasped, “good –” And then he was throwing his arms around James, clutching tight enough to hurt. James held him as best he could in one arm, trying to quell the trembling he could feel rising up from Will’s feet, as if it came from the deck itself.

“I’m sorry,” Will breathed against his neck. “I was angry with you. It made no sense, but I – I blamed you. I thought that maybe you’d distracted him, that he was worrying about you, or even trying to show off, and that was why...I’m sorry.”

Somewhat inspired by Tara's talk with Buffy at the hospital in "The Body," about how she would be feeling and thinking things that wouldn't make sense, that she thought would make her seem like a bad person, and that it was normal and okay.

A lump in his throat tried to keep him from swallowing. “It’s...it’s all right.”

“I’m not telling you this to hurt you,” said Will insistently, lifting his head but not loosening his grip. His eyes scanned James’ face anxiously. “I just couldn’t last another second with it hanging over my head.” With a small frown, he shook his head as if he were dizzy.

And it does hurt James to hear that, but he understands, and he lets it go.

James adjusted his arm against a sudden sway. “Have you eaten since...have you slept?”

“No,” said Will, drawing a shaky breath, “and – and not really.”

“Come on,” said James resolutely, pulling him back toward the cabin. “Rest and I’ll go get you something.” Will paused at the door, peering inside with a look on his face that was half longing and half fear. James waited. He would have to go back in there sooner or later.

Will lifted his chin as he stepped over the threshold. He wilted a little as he saw that James had not moved any of Jack’s things.

“It didn’t seem right,” James said off of his questioning look. Will nodded and lowered himself onto the bed, closing his eyes as his fingers ran across the blanket.

Remembering.

James left him there, breathing in the silence of the cabin. He fetched some hard bread and a hunk of cheese, a tankard of water, and – remembering the small cuts littering Will’s skin – a bucket and a rag.

He returned to Will in the same position, sitting quietly as he waited. After a quiet thanks, he tore into the food and gulped the water while James wet the rag.

Will glanced at him, then pulled off his shirt and sat back against the wall, letting James kneel over him. He sponged away the dirt, starting with his face and working down. Will stayed still, just watching him. James didn’t ask him where his scratches had come from, and he didn’t offer an explanation.

Small change of having James clean Will up after he's done eating rather than before, both because it would have been kind of weird and because it's important that Will consciously settles down and lets him do it.

When he had finished with the makeshift bath, James set the bucket on the floor and helped Will settle down against the pillows. Will twisted James’ hand in both of his own, brushing calluses and stroking the inside of his wrist.

“Lie down with me?”

Is there anything I can...

No, no, just...stay with me.

And now he can finally add Jack's final words to his internal litany, because Will is there.

James stretched out beside him, something tight within his chest loosening a trifle. The ring in his pocket dug into his hip and he shifted to fish it out, offering it to Will in the palm of his hand.

Will touched it gently, reverently, before closing James’ fingers over it. “You keep it.”

James started to ask if he was sure, but Will shook his head, so he tried it on his ring finger and was surprised to find it too big. He moved it to his first finger, where Jack had worn it, and it fit perfectly. He’d thought Jack’s hands were smaller.

“Is it always going to hurt like this?” Will whispered, twisting the ring around on his finger.

“I don’t know,” James replied honestly. The time for lying to him was through. “I’ve never done this before.”

I was going to have James give an analogy about his missing arm and how it hurts less as time goes on, but he'll always be able to remember it there -- phantom pain and whatnot -- but it ended up feeling trite, so I scrapped it for stark honesty, which is true to James' character and exactly what Will is going to respect the most.

Will smiled faintly, brushing fingertips across James’ scalp. “Your hair’s growing out already.” He kissed him along his hairline, looked down, met his eyes. Newfound uncertainty could not win out against his natural boldness, and he caught James’ mouth in a deep kiss.

James pulled away. “You need rest,” he reproached.

Will’s hand glided under his shirt, along his belly, lifting up. “Right now I need you.” He stopped, however, once he’d gotten James’ shirt off, his brow creased. “Do you think this is...untoward, so soon, that he would...”

“Mind?” James finished, skimming his finders along Will’s waistband. “On the contrary, I believe Jack would heartily approve.” Will laughed, then touched a hand to his throat in surprise. James chased it with his mouth, sucking at the pulse point to make it jump. Will threw a leg over him and pulled him close.

There was no rush, no great desperate burst of passion – only a slow-burning tangling of bodies, their breeches bunched around their knees.

“Like this,” Will moaned into his mouth, writhing against him, “just like this.”

It took James a moment to realize that he was asking a question: would this be far enough to go for tonight? Whether he was just tired or whether he wasn’t ready for anything more intimate, James didn’t know, and it didn’t matter.

“Yes,” he murmured, tracing a line down Will’s back as Will ground his hips upwards. “Enough. It’s enough.”
It was enough, Jack. It was.

Truly?

For the first time since Jack’s death, James wasn’t sorry to have that voice in his head, teasing, consoling, guiding – here.

Will’s grip on him was fierce, bruising. James caught the look in his eyes as they briefly opened and he understood the need to hold on that tightly.

He held on as well, held on as Will arched and spilled hot against his stomach, cries of pleasure and grief and gratitude mingling with the sweat on James’ skin and Jack’s low voice in his memory. Will kissed him, tongue gliding along his own, chest heaving from release. One hand to the back of his neck, he slid the other between their bodies to wrap around James and that was all he need before he was pouring himself out in Will’ palm, his breath sounding in short, pained gasps

He felt the strangest sense of weight as he fell back beside Will. For days he’d been strung along like a kite, floating above the world because he’d thought he might have lost the last of what anchored him.

But Will’s arm across his chest was heavy, his head like lead on James’s shoulder, and he knew there would be no more fretting about weightlessness.

He raised himself up awkwardly on his arm, letting Will loll against the pillow. He was already asleep. James groped about for the bucket, wiping them each clean. Will didn’t stir except to turn his head toward James. His slumber was so deep that James couldn’t help bending his face close to feel his breath.

Will mumbled a couple of random syllables, sounding vaguely upset.

Only comfort.

“Shhh,” he whispered, Jack still with him, curled around them both as the mist curled around the ship’s hull.

Touch.

He reached up to run his fingers through tumbled brown curls, soft and damp. Kissed parted lips, flexed his toes against a tanned calf.

And love. Yes, always that.

A breeze lifted the sails of the Black Pearl, a languid feminine sigh wafting through her beams. For a second it was joined by a man’s softly wicked laugh, and then it was just the wind and the creak of rail and rigging.


By the time the end rolled around, I had nothing left to say. But I'm glad I did this, even if nobody reads it, because it was a bit of an exorcism and it takes a weight off me. And it was fun. I may edit the pirategasm post to include a link here, I may not. I dunno. I have a quiz to study for.