the Dalaverse

Yarrr, I wrote a few pages more of mpreg. There's this weird, weird little dichotomy (or cleavage, if you will -- for some reason my polysci professor loves using this word to describe the Bush admins. It maketh me giggle because I have the maturity of a six-year-old). Because, see, there are parts where it's intentionally cheesed up -- bring on the out-of-character feminization! And that makes it humor. But at the same time, if I'm going to spend more than a thousand words on this story -- which I've already done -- I have to take it somewhat seriously, so there's an attempt at real romantic and character development. So it's humor but then...it's not. And then I'm like 'Pregnant guy! Funny!" and it's humor again.

Anyway. We'll see where it goes. I'm committed to it now.

Also, I hope to be yelled at if my facts are blatantly wrong. Obviously there's a whole lot of wiggle room, seeing that my pregnant character is male and got knocked up by way of an imaginary magic ritual, but I have been busying myself with real reseach, plus the experience of having eleven second cousins between the ages of seventeen and just over a month (::smooches baby Jamie::). I keep having to quickly close the window on pregnancy-info.net because damn, I've already got my roommate praying most ardently for my soul, I don't need to give her the additional aggravation. But it's fun! Pregnancy is fascinating!



Nothing New Under the Sun (II)



Jack was just exiting his cabin when Will came barreling through, slamming the door behind him.

Blinking, Jack knocked. “William? Everything all right?” He’d been in such a rotten temper lately that Jack really didn’t have the patience to deal with him, but hopefully he’d get points for trying.

“Go away,” was the answer. Jack stuck his tongue out at the door. He’d asked time and time again what was troubling the boy but he’d received no answer, only a boot thrown at his head and an empty bed as recently as last night. He went to seek out certain members of his crew who might have been able to glean something more.

Gibbs and Anamaria were sitting in the galley discussing something quite serious, judging by the looks on their faces. They immediately shut up when Jack strolled in. Damnation, wasn’t anybody speaking to him on his own ship?

But first things first. “Listen,” he said to the two of them, leaning over the table, “Will’s got himself in some kinda fret and I was wonderin’ if either of you fine gentlefolk might know the reason.”

“He’s got hisself in some kinda somethin’ all right,” muttered the woman, kicking her feet up under Jack’s nose.

Gibbs held out his hands to describe something in the air and Jack nodded encouragingly, but the squat man hesitated, clearly thinking over what he meant to say. “It’s like this, Cap’n,” he finally began. “We suspec’, unusual though it be, that the lad’s been voidin’ his breakfasts and actin’ out b’cause he’s in a...a delicate condition.” Pudgy hands described a vague arc, telling Jack about as much as his words had. His brows drew together in consternation and he looked to Anamaria.

“You knocked ‘im up,” she told him with a distasteful look.

Jack stood straight, his hands held motionless before him. “What. Did. You. Say?” he asked very, very slowly.

“He’s as persnickety and ill as a breedin’ woman,” said Gibbs. He too gave Jack a severely reproving glare. “You oughter know better, Jack.”

Slumping down onto a free bench, Jack shook his head. “Excuse me,” he said in a tone wavering just below hysterical. “You expected me to be sensitive to the prospect that my male lover might conceive a child in my bed?”

“Poor feller,” said Gibbs, tipping back his flask. “How’s he gonna nurse the babe, eh? You ever think o’ that?”

“How’s he gonna birth it?” Anamaria demanded.

Jack pounded both hands on the table. “How’s the possibility of Will gettin’ pregnant even possible? He has no womb!”

Anamaria and Gibbs just tsked at him. “Shameful,” said Gibbs.

Sighing deeply, Jack pressed fingertips to his temples. “A bit of perspective here, please. Will, pretty and delicate-featured though he may be, is a man. And I can personally assure you that he has man parts – perfectly serviceable and quite lovely ones. I happen to possess the same and have had no complaints so far, least of all from the boy –”

“Off-topic, Jack,” Anamaria interrupted crisply.

“So no matter what manner of fornication we’ve been up to,” Jack continued, “it should be obvious enough that we simply do not have the cooperative facilities for producing offspring.”

“Says the man who on’y recently regained his ship from a buncha undead fiends, after spendin’ a short bit o’ time as an undead fiend hisownself,” said Gibbs gravely.

Jack’s mouth flopped impotently for a moment. “That – that is not the same thing!”

His crewman raised both hands in supplication. “‘M jus’ sayin’, world’s a strange place. We all seen a lotta strange things.”

“Even supposing for a second that Will is indeed somehow with child,” said Jack, attempting to be practical for once, “again I ask, how would it have happened?”

“That’s the question, innit?” Anamaria replied, cleaning beneath her fingernails with a pearl-handled dirk. “Think back o’er the last coupla months. Done anything strange with th’ boy?”

Drawing himself up indignantly, Jack said, “I do not share details of my sexual proclivities with just anyone.” They both leveled skeptical looks at him and he wilted. “All right, I’m a braggart. But honest, we’ve not had time to try out half the whore’s tricks I know, an’ anyway it’s not like that with me an’ Will.”

Anamaria’s lip curled upward as if she’d smelled something unpleasant. “‘Cause you two’re all sparkly-eyed in love.”

“Mayhap that’s what did it,” Gibbs offered hopefully.

“Somehow I doubt it,” she said thoughtfully, warming to the prospect of detecting the source of Will’s condition. “Where’ve we been recently? Somebody might’ve cursed one o’ you.”

“Nowhere interesting,” said Jack. “And I refuse to go anywhere near Bermuda after the last time.”

“Wouldn’t want to subject th’ Pearl to that,” said Gibbs with a shudder.

“Giant squid smelling of rotting lavender,” said Jack absently off of Anamaria’s confused look. He drummed fingers against his chin, nearly shooting one up his nose as he suddenly remembered. “That island where we stopped a night, what was that, a month, month an’ a half ago?”

“Round about” said Gibbs. “Y’think...”

“Well, I don't know what else it could be,” said Jack. “We did both have that sweet drink...and he was out like a light for two days after...”

“Still, that don’t prove much,” said Gibbs. “We’d ‘ave to go back an’ ask those folk if they’re runnin’ some infernal brood-male farm.”

“And we don’t know fer sure what’s goin’ on wi’ the boy,” Anamaria pointed out. “‘F he is pregnant, the babe’ll start to make itself known by the time we reach the island.”

“Right,” said Jack, feverishly glad he had such a clever crew because frankly he was having trouble standing up. Managing it at last, he tipped his hat to his co-conspirators, who nodded back at him. “We’ll make for that island. And I’d better be off to see to Will.”



“I don’t want anything to do with you!”

Jack pressed both hands to the door, calming his voice as much as he could. “Now William, if you’ll just be reasonable ‘bout this –”

“Reasonable!” Will shrieked. “After what you’ve done to me!”

“I didn’t mean to,” Jack said, stroking the wood of the door Will had locked from the inside. “Let me in, sweetheart, an’ we can have a chat –”

“I don’t want to chat!” Something heavy thudded against the door; a candlestick, Jack supposed, since he didn’t hear the shattering that would mark it as the mirror. “You’ve infected me with – with your evil demon seed!”

“Evil de – will you stop actin’ like a child and...” Jack trailed off, wincing. Something else hit the door as Will shouted unintelligibly. “All right, bad choice of wording, I’ll admit.”

“Get out!”

“I’m not in,” Jack pointed out. He could imagine Will’s rage faltering for a beat, but he picked it up with renewed vigor.

“This is all your fault!”

Jack’s control over his temper began to fray. “It does take two, y’know!”

He cursed as the door banged open and into his forehead. “Oww – dammit, Will!”

The younger man strode forward, towering over Jack as best he could with a few inches of superior height. He grabbed Jack by the front of his shirt. “I want it out of me!” he bellowed.

“Bit early for that, mate –”

“Don’t you dare be glib,” Will hissed, giving him a little shake. “Tell me what to do to get rid of this blasted problem!”

Jack to remind himself of the mental and physical duress Will was under before he snapped out of the boy’s grasp and started something they were both going to regret. “We don’t know enough,” he said shortly. “I know things that can be done early – herbs, mixtures a woman can take to make her miscarry – but there’s no telling what’s goin’ on in your body right now.”

Will released him, backing away and shaking his head violently. “No, there has to be something, anything...”

“What, throw yourself from the sails?” Jack snapped. When Will looked thoughtful at that, he added harshly, “Sure, you’d likely lose it, and break your fool neck in the process or bleed to death ‘cause your insides’ve been all rearranged.”

Looking like he was going to be sick, Will sank down to the deck and put his head between his knees. “God, what’s happening to me,” he moaned into his hands, ignoring Jack as he knelt beside him.

“Look,” said Jack, gentling his tone considerably, “I think it might have somethin’ to do with that night we spent on the island. We’ll head back that way and see what’s what.”

“And then?” Will whispered, finally looking at him. Jack saw that he’d been crying, and hard.

“Then...then I don’t know,” he replied quietly, meeting Will’s red-rimmed eyes squarely.

Will groaned in frustration, banging his head against the door. “Why’d this have to happen to me?”

“I don’t always take top, it could’ve easily been me,” said Jack in an attempt at comfort. “‘Course, you might not have the evil demon seed necessary to put me in the same position...”

Despite himself, Will chuckled. He looked sheepishly down at his lap. “I’m sorry. I know you’re not really to blame for this. It’s just – I keep having these feelings, and I don’t know what to do with them.”

“Prob’ly ones you were never meant to have, bein’ a male and all,” said Jack. He reached for Will’s hand, thinking the danger was past, but Will flinched away from him.

“I’m not angry,” Will explained, his eyes shifting around nervously, “but I don’t think I’m quite comfortable...”

Jack stood quickly and took a step back. “No problem a’tall. I’ll sleep elsewhere as long as you like.” He said it thinking Will would quickly reassure him that it wouldn’t be necessary, but his heart sank when the boy nodded slowly, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Thank you,” he said with a strained smile.



Will sat on the floor of the cabin, watching Jack walk away, before he got up and stepped back inside. He took the small gilt mirror out of Jack’s sea-trunk. How he’d teased the pirate captain when he’d discovered this small luxury, the last thing one would expect to find amongst a crew of hardened sailors. But he loved Jack’s vanity, the pride he took in his cultivated appearance, as much as the appearance itself – as much as the man himself...

The man he’d hurt greatly just a few minutes before. Jack hid it well, but Will knew him better than either of them would like to admit at the moment. He wasn't sure why he felt he couldn’t turn to Jack; perhaps it would be too much like acceptance, like capitulation to this situation he was not meant to ever be prepared for. And perhaps he was just bitter.

Propping the mirror against the head of the bed, he pulled his shirt over his head and studied himself critically. Nothing about his body looked out of the ordinary, but he was certain that would change.

No way to know for sure yet, Gibbs had said. Will, although not normally governed by instinct the way Jack was, knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was something very strange happening. It wasn’t instinct, though, not really; it was something he could feel. Nothing like movement or pain, but some fundamental wrongness inside that he hadn’t been able to name.

He could name it now, of course, but he refused. Thinking of it as a child was absurd, because he was a man and Jack was a man and the very idea of the two of them creating life together was ridiculous. It didn’t work that way; it was not meant to work that way. However this had happened, unnatural forces were at play and Will wanted nothing to do with them, nor with the...the thing growing within him. A parasite – yes, that was far more accurate, a parasite sapping his strength and his sanity.

Not a child. Not a tiny baby with Jack’s black hair and his own brown eyes –

Will shook himself and carefully slipped the mirror back into the trunk. He might be feeling as sentimental as a woman, but he didn’t have to give himself over to those emotions. Keeping Jack out of his bed would be the best effort in that direction. In a few weeks they’d be at the godforsaken island, where whatever had been done to him would be undone and he could return to as normal a life as the partner to Captain Jack Sparrow could expect.

His newfound resolve buoyed his spirits for a few minutes before his gut lurched and he had to rush out of the cabin to empty his stomach one again.