the Dalaverse

Heh. I'm mean. And also procrastinating.



Nothing New Under the Sun (III)



“Bananas,” said the pirate, poking the stocking-capped grocer in the chest with his gun.

“Please, I have nothing,” the fearful little man gibbered, shrinking from the fierce, angry dark eyes.

“I don’t want your money, mate, I’ve come for your bananas!” Flicking a twisted black lock out of his face, the pirate brandished his pistol in the direction of the stores. “All of ‘em, now, an’ make it quick.”

Confused, the grocer peered at him. “Just bananas? Really?”

The pirate snarled through his gold teeth and reached out to grip the grocer by the lacy collar of his nightshirt. “Listen closely,” he growled, leaning down to glare into his face. “I haven’t slept a wink in three days because I’ve got a pregnant mate on me ship who’s sufferin’ from insomnia and after me night and day to stop at the first port we come to so’s I can slip in and steal a king’s ransom of fuckin’ bananas. Any bananas – green ones, yellow ones, small ones, big ones, any and all banana-like fruit you’ve got or I’ll have your bollocks for my breakfast. Is that perfectly clear, my good man?”

“Right,” said the grocer, his knees quivering. “Bananas it is.”

As he swept his entire stock of bananas into burlap sacks, he kept one eye on the pirate, who massaged one temple with the muzzle of the gun

“There you go,” said the grocer. As the pirate swung the load over his shoulder, the grocer couldn’t help but chuckle. “Guess not even your lot’s women are an exception to the species. Demanding when they’re expecting, eh?”

The pirate shook his head with a put-upon expression. “You have no idea.” He flipped a coin on his way out.



Will was pacing the length of the cabin when Jack returned, panting under the weight of his delivery. “Woke up again?”

“Well, it’s not as if I don’t have enough on my mind to keep me from sleeping,” Will snapped.He frowned at the sacks Jack dumped in the middle of the floor. “What’s all this? And where’ve you been, anyway? I went looking for you.”

“Got your bananas, love,” said Jack proudly, tearing open one package and holding up a ripe speciman. “Ev’ry last one in Port Maria.”

Will inspected the fruit with a critical eye. “Bananas? When did I say I wanted bananas?”

Jack blinked. The sack fell from his hands to thud dully on the deck. “Each hour on the hour for the past two days.”

“Oh,” said Will vaguely , throwing the banana over his shoulder. “That’s thoughtful of you, I guess.” He flopped back on the bunk, flicking at a loose thread on his sleeve.

Jack closed his eyes and counted to ten. “I love you very, very much,” he told Will, who cocked his head quizzically.

“Yes, and?”

“Just remindin’ meself,” Jack muttered, plucking a banana out of the spilled sack with a forlorn sigh.

“Well, it’s not going to get you back into my pants,” said Will. Suddenly his eyes brightened. “Hey, d’you know what I’d really fancy right now? Pineapples!”

Jack peeled his banana silently and prayed for swift winds to carry them eastward.